PATRICIA’s  Blogging is random …

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I am so glad you are here in this place where my personal thoughts find a home. Take your time wandering through the paragraphs that I have inserted into this Blog … if the content relates to you then you are already in my prayers … Patricia

SELF ACCEPTANCE

I love being with people who want to take their thinking and actions to the next level in order to eliminate what they no longer wish to include in their current endeavours or into their future. I see that as being selective. But past issues within all of us have a way of surfacing, sometimes when we least expect them, can we prevent that from happening? Memories that are long bedded can trick us into thinking they haven’t been resolved. Some issues don’t always have to be resolved, perhaps just need to be left in that day they came. Your thoughts are not meant to spin you into the role of fixing everything. Popular counselling methods may include opening old wounds, yet the simple acceptance of all experiences can be much kinder to the evolving soul. What lays deeper down, whether in us or in the earth itself, is layered as it should be. From the depth there is nurturing all the way through to the outer surface. It makes sense to leave the depths alone, they have been formed by experience and become a natural source of nourishment. Your innards are constantly showing you who you are, by past happenings, by daily activities, through to the planning for what is yet to come. If that gut of yours is disturbed then consider your own contribution into that unrest. All of the ‘past-present-future-You’ is constantly welcoming new realisation.  Nothing gives me more pleasure than introducing you to your own potential by encouraging you to accept all of yourself. Leave behind who your are not. This is the true essence of Healing.

MENTALITY

Across my path come those who are loaded mentally, blaming their broken heart for the state of their mind ‘at the time’. ‘I met a really lovely man’ she said, they formed friendship that moved quickly to serious romance. Neither of them looked at where they each came from or what had transpired in their separate lives before committing. Neither had healed their past. With innocence, perhaps ignorance, they came together hiding their brokenness and trying to piece together some shards that were like the wrong parts of two jigsaws. Their passionate attraction threw a shield over their individual unresolved past emotional struggles. Minor disagreements surfaced, then came a day when a reactive burst of anger resulted in a door being kicked, damaged beyond repair, along with shouting and screaming polluting the atmosphere. Destruction. He smashed her home. In a fit of anger he turned all the stove elements on full. It was unclear to her that he may be attempting to burn her house down! It was an accident she lied to her children. He had just repeated past behaviour which had to reveal itself eventually. She told me sadly they are now apart but she cannot leave him in his broken state. She wants to heal him she said, can’t leave him while he is so low. What about her own mental, emotional and physical health that has now become a battle ground of illness within herself? It’s a bit like that story of the cat who teased and tortured the mouse until it lay terrorised and exhausted, then when it could finally move it crawled to the cat because it was the only heartbeat in an otherwise empty room. After all that has transpired she wants to heal him. Why? Is there a subconscious thought that when he heals they will be alright, together again? They still keep in touch, this is not a case of what to let go, they must face the truth of what has already gone. A broken Soul cannot mend another broken Soul; when it comes to the healing of mental or emotional imbalance of a serious nature only a trained professional should intervene. The ‘do it yourself’ attitude prevails in our community. Beware of advice and support of others, and of your own advice. They or you could be adding fuel to the fire.

SUNDAY

Out there the rain, gently falling, a mimic of my insides that fall when I think … what have I eaten today … lies and smiles, from yesterday’s leftovers.

LOST

You can only lose something you have, you cannot lose what you are …

MONDAYS

This weekend showed me a new meaning to Mondays. We have all seen the grim jokes of starting the week with a drag feeling while thinking of the next weekend coming. Yesterday afternoon, a sunny Sunday, I visited a friend who has been suffering for some time with polycystic kidney disease, apparently there is more than one type. Her condition is being treated by three times a week going to a hospital that is half an hour drive away for dialysis. The session forces filtering the blood many times more than a healthy kidney would. I couldn’t help wondering why treatment has to be so intense compared to a natural process. I dispel that thought because I don’t know enough about scientific healing procedures. While the machine is attached to her body there is a strain on the heart along with diluted brain concentration causing an unnatural sleepy feeling. It is not restful. It takes some minutes after the mechanical detachment for body and mind functions to feel normal enough to return home. The exhaustion that follows brings a collapsing sleep into the remainder of the day. Night sleeping takes on a disturbance so recovery and refreshing after normal rest and sleeping eludes her. Every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday dialysis appointments are attended, the transport alone is painful as an offshoot of the treatment has caused nerve damage in her feet. Every step she takes is agony. On the days after hospital sessions she has no energy and her life is compounded by raising her daughter as a single parent. Do you get the picture? Monday is the only day that is not a treatment day nor one of the awful next days. She has struggled to maintain a small business which can mostly be run from her desk at home. Because there is an income, never enough to pay all the basic expenses, she has been told she cannot receive a welfare benefit assistance! She has no physical household help provided yet is obviously disabled with pain. Applications for review of those issues will be accepted provided she closes her business down completely. Today she is feeling blessed – because it’s Monday.

The old healer to the soul:
It’s not your back that hurts, but the burden.
It’s not your eyes that hurt, but injustice.
It’s not your head that hurts, it’s your thoughts.
Not the throat, but what you don’t express or say with anger.
Not the stomach hurts, but what the soul does not digest.
It’s not the liver that hurts, it’s the anger.
It’s not your heart that hurts, but love.
And it is love itself that contains the most powerful medicine.
Author: Ada Luz Marquez

A SMALL DIFFERENCE

Enjoying a break from routine is always rewarding and brings a resurging of energies after becoming a bit stale with routine. Yet a structured timetable brings its own energy too. We all observe changes as employees are returning to work and extra road traffic appears alerting many of us who have enjoyed easy driving over recent weeks. Children are going back to school, some of the smallest just starting, full of anticipation for the changes to their lives, with the newly qualified teachers who feel the same. Everything about beginning again includes a welcoming. To all the children there is the promise of fun and socialising while learning and enjoying physical activities; to all the teachers feeling the inspiration that confirms you are equipping young people into their futures; to all the parents and caregivers who gave time and protection to young ones throughout the holidays, that whisper in the breeze is your sigh after a job well done. The closures and the new openings as changes appear are accompanied by challenges. For parents there is financial pressure for uniforms, stationary and fees. For children there may be anxiety as they try to imagine the unknown situations they are headed for. One informing website is: https://parents.education.govt.nz/primary-school/your-child-at-school/enrolling-and-starting-your-child-at-school/ … and anyone is able to help personally in a small way, contact the school you would like to assist, they will tell you their programmes, perhaps be available for an hour or more to listen to a child read aloud.

GIRL TALK

There’s those girls nearby. In a group laughing amongst themselves, each one of them wearing different protection. One gained weight, it’s a shield against the attraction she was to an abuser, now not wanting to be pretty and noticed; another is dressed in high fashion, actually it’s the same shield yet portraying the message of don’t touch what you cannot afford. Both those girls have uplifted themselves until they are ready to sort and balance their lives. Then there is another who cares little about image, mindful of where she came from and where she is going to, clothed appropriately for her next task of free yoga in the nearby park. Whether they met intentionally or by chance they share their growing and their humour. As they part company they take with them their own thoughts of what was what is and what will be when they are not together. As different as they are the same.

YOUR CONTRIBUTION

As the evolving of life activities begin and end we have an opportunity to reflect on changes that have happened and also what we contributed to create them. We may have moved to a place and been excited and happy about the new beginning, yet as the experience of living there proceeds our surrounds become disappointing. How could you know beforehand of the intrusion from neighbouring people who call in unannounced claiming your precious time and energy? Take a little time to consider:

What helps you feel calm?

What fragrances/smells soothe your mind?

What is your favourite book?

What is your favourite quote?

Where is your happy place?

Let your mind wander to the answers; allow your body to relax into the answers be they imaginings or perhaps the actual solution; ponder quietly the book(s) you keep revisiting and the healing words that you return to; your thoughts will naturally take you to a happy place in your memories or a part of your home or nearby scene that makes your heart sing … practise Kindness … begin by being kind to yourself.

IDEAS, ALTER THEM TO FIT NOW AND LATER

I had the idea for the longest time of travelling around New Zealand in a campervan. Time fluttered by. So did money. The get up and go I used to have already got up and went. My idea, like myself, has matured. The original plan has completely evolved into a luxurious alternative actually. I am now thinking of seeing our beautiful country from the coastline. A cruise. All I have to do is step on board and my room and bed will be clean and ready. Every day all my meals will be prepared and cleared away. There is even a laundry service if I don’t want to tickle a coin machine myself. I won’t have to do a thing except enjoy the soothing journey and visit those places that I didn’t have to drive to. I feel like I have shaken up the Bucket List, picked out the faded bits and flicked them. If 2019 ends for you with some unfinished dreams, re-write them to fit 2020. The coming year will see me searching the websites, choosing dates and making an advance booking. For two. Then I’ll tell Himself. Smiling. In the meantime I will tidy up the remainder of that Bucket List while I extend to you a beautiful day from my wide open heart, xo

FINANCIAL ABUSE …

ABUSE is such a common word these days; we read about the many facets of abuse, and in my line of work I meet it face to face while listening to the stories of troubled relationships. There is a variety of situations that fall into the general basket of abuse the most obvious being physical, mental/emotional, narcissistic, etc. With the onset of gender equality we are now hearing about financial abuse. It happens when equal sharing stops at the half-total of rent or mortgage, electricity/utilities and basic groceries, followed by one paying for all the ‘extra’ expenditures such as social events, eating out, and those irregular household requirements like linens, or plants for the garden, or perhaps topping up the weekly shared expenses. Most of the complaints I listen to are from the partner who pays out much more than the other; not surprisingly even when expenses are mentioned and receipts are produced the other earner doesn’t offer to contribute. They are enjoying yet deliberately ignoring the cost of treats, the nice towels and bedding and other pleasurable household supplies. It is passive abuse to assume you have an automatic right to anything provided at someone else’s expense.  Arrogant? Ignorant? I will say yes to both of those because it smells of one gives and the other takes. All adults who receive income must pay their way. Totally. Obviously in a situation where there is only one earner that couple will agree their own agenda. It is not about who earns what, it’s about two earners and who is truthfully responsible for how much it costs them to live! I have in mind a female flight attendant whose husband is a self-employed tradesman; she is tired of keeping him while he drags his feet in the job market and comes home to all that she provided. He earns enough to keep himself; she does likewise. He constantly benefits from her earnings because she is generous; she has no benefit from his. Their situation has gone further than looking at equality, it is toxic and passively abusive. She told me she has stopped expecting loyalty and respect from her husband who can’t even give her honesty.

UNWANTED GENERATIONAL LEGACIES

I have met a number of young adults, let’s say ages from 19 to 55, who carry hurts from their childhood past. Without exception they all recall incidents they witnessed, words they heard, including unfair judgments with all the punishments they received. They have a choice to heal their wounds or to keep on touching those sores so they never heal. There are probably scars when wounds heal, emotional and physical mutilations that remind them they survived a battle. Many of these lovely Souls refuse to look outside themselves to see the war zones that others have survived, indicating an absence of compassion. Over years they formed the habit of being self-absorbed, ill-equipped emotionally and in denial of the incredible suffering of others. Their own pain is paramount and has formed the benchmark from which they view themselves and their world. It is a small world, a prison, they are trapped. Within that limitation they sow the seeds of blame. Their pain becomes the paint they use to colour others. Often, because memories stem from childhood they blame their own parents and see themselves as victims. Every day in every moment every one of us is attending to our situations according to how we are equipped emotionally and mentally. Attitude negativity is the generational legacy that childhood hurting produces. Every one of us is born equipped and likely to be contaminated by others or incidences, yet all along knowing and growing while continually creating a life.

Recommended reference https://tinybuddha.com/blog/overcoming-intergenerational-trauma-we-can-break-the-cycle-of-abuse/?fbclid=IwAR1lyljMIzvxe2GROf6hBqqk0sCzlwnFATOkmtJE0B7Q8E2Ia1VzqG6dm0k

OF COURSE I KNOW

Lipsticks, hair colour, dentures, hearing aids and supporting undies – I’ve got some of these and proud of my collection. My mother used to say those who don’t bother with their appearance are lazy. I am aware of being considered old but I just tell myself we are all older than yesterday. What’s more I don’t want a rocking chair, I want a swing. In the garden. Where I can stretch myself up into heights that ordinary moving about doesn’t give me. My imagination takes me to many situations where I achieve even though my bones put the brakes on. I still laugh at bawdy jokes, some of them more mischievous than yesterday. Whatever makes my thoughts sparkle is welcome. The same happiness of looking at Springtime flowers is with me when I look at the ‘Spring rolls’ my body is made up of after months of indulgent Winter foods because I still feel like dancing when I hear the music. The few pairs of shoes in my cupboard are flat sole style but I feel like they are heels when I wear my favourite clothes. The age spots on face and hands are larger than last year but I choose to smile and wave anyway. Fingers are all intact with unvarnished nails ready for gardening rather than holding a stemmed glass. There is a place in centre-back that reminds me to ease into bending rather than jerk the heavy shopping. Who knows when, like some of the lovely ladies in my family who have passed on, I will have a Graduation Day that awards me a walking frame, what a qualification that will be! In the meantime am giving thanks for all existing abilities, limited or otherwise, that continue to bless my reality. I consider myself one of the lucky ones to have made it this far, some of my friends and family didn’t arrive at today. Wishing you a marvellous morning noon and night and long may the miracles continue, xo

FAIR SHARE

Being involved in Couple Counselling has been interesting for me and more often than not brought me to this subject. What is your fair share of what someone else contributes? Do you even have the right to what they earn or provide? Yes, if the giver wants that of you. Yet there was always a balance, an exchange. A couple of generations back there was an expectation of males providing and females being at home managing the one income that probably was never enough. It is rare nowadays to find defined roles. Females gained independence from society’s changing attitudes as well as the onset of automatic appliances and the pursuit of personal choices flourished. The pendulum swung too far at times and in many households today has yet to settle into fair sharing. All along the ‘chores war’ has never been a won or reached a truce. Even though two (or more) people utilise the home and all its comforts while both may have fulltime employment it is still common for males to come home and relax, have their meals shopped for and cooked plus their personal/household laundry sorted, washed, dried, folded or ironed, sometimes mended then finally stored away. Ongoing and repetitive the kitchen and laundry chores are just the beginning because there is the changing of bedding, vacuuming, dusting and polishing, spraying and wiping lightshades, utility surfaces and cupboard handles that become sticky from who doesn’t wash their hands! Have I mentioned the windows, inside and out, the gardens and grounds. It is up to each household to communicate expectations. Many of us have preferences for certain chores and we should do what we enjoy, especially if some chores are creative. However let’s be realistic and also mindful here: the example of one cooks and the other does dishes appears to be fair, but there is absolutely no fairness. To cook there is first the meals planning, shopping, preparation then actually cooking followed by serving up which may require table setting. For the other if you are lucky enough to have a dishwasher it is job done, or an easy few minutes at the sink (mainly because tidying and washing of many items was done during preparation). Hardly a fair share.

It is not uncommon to see one partner choosing the easy/pleasant jobs leaving the other to toil away with unattractive/difficult time consuming chores. Even when disregarding the imbalanced toil of chores there is that sensitive issue of money. It is definitely not fair if the finances are evenly contributed when the expenses for one exceeds the other. That can happen with eating preferences and a meat eater knows that is more expensive than being a vegetarian; it happens if there is a need to replace household linen and one pays for every item of bedding, bathroom towels and kitchen/dining linen. Be absolutely truthful about paying your real share. Be absolutely truthful that some chores are very enjoyable and some are downright hard and time consuming.

Are we headed for a divided household with each individual being totally responsible for their own chores and expenses? It is unfairness that separates us from one another. Is rigid fairness going to bring us together more? Who gives more? Who takes more? Who wants to give more? Is one creating work and/or expenses for the other when they are capable of doing things and paying for things? Does showing appreciation and/or reward make up for the unfairness when one obviously does more? Swapping their existing roles for a week would be an eye opener …

THIS ONE LIFE

In this one precious life, why are you not running like fire towards your wildest dreams … I just read this and realise for too long I have procrastinated about enrolling at a university to study. I have thought of many excuses even though after making up my mind what I want to study. All that second guessing included: is it possible to give required time to studying when I seem to be always so busy – what if I just want to read/study/produce my assignments and I have to stop to cook/clean/work – what if it becomes overwhelming – what if the whole commitment makes me feel inadequate. So I put off my heart’s prompting. It was easy to fill my days and keep making excuses. I left the possibilities alone, yet they didn’t leave me. I am now, perhaps have been for a long time, ready to visit Massey University in Albany to enquire about learning. One thing that has transpired is that while my goal is strong there has been a flexibility in subject matter and expected outcomes. Humanities is the basis of my intended studies, although the original thoughts included the protection of children and families including addiction behaviour and affects that has on family/society, my thinking has slipped into subjects regarding the needs of elderly and how they are provided for within a community. Perhaps all of the considerations are all one issue? I will find out soon … along with creative writing … excited? you bet!

WALK WITH ME

You see my predictable self. I turn sometimes and the alternative me becomes. My thoughts of responsibilities shift. No longer do I think of the meal we will have later, the cleaning chores, or folding and storage of loose items. My body rejects restrictions, I eat and move with freedom and pleasure. My clothes take on a character not mentioned in every day garments. I let my long skirt sway and tie pendants to the belt loops so charms dangle in the gathers and swing ahead of my stride. My way ahead is not on the usual smooth path today, I choose the pebbled track leading to the river edge. A day away. You call it a day off. And you have those days, off the shackles from accountabilities to others. Come sit with me. No park bench here, we can be on the grass where it is thick and dry, or that warm rock further down, a place of comfort that no human made. Who is the alternative you, your true being that surfaces in those precious days you can claim. People see your uniform swapped for colourful casual soft covering. You removed your armour and showed me your Heart. Thank you.

FOUR VITAL ELEMENTS

Air: The constant movement of air is a blessing. We are not here to stagnate. Without the air there would be no atmosphere, no breathing. Even a story will want to breathe and the author instinctively knows when words come to life. Air flowing in and out indicates we are alive, that we connect to each other with spoken words that fill the air space we share.

Water : On its own it is life giving. Mixed with other materials water becomes part of form, of power, of healing and also nourishment. Our bodies are seventy-five percent water. It is the fluid content that supports cellular structure, water is the transporter of matter into our muscles, bones, every cell in our being. Without the water dampening the sand there would be no sandcastles. Water is a life force.

Fire : A flame gives heat, passion, gentle warmth and light. Heat is required to alter and change matter and also what matters. Passion brings pressure, alters emotions. Warm is our natural body temperature, fire assists the replication of warmth in our surrounds to complement our bodies. Fire light also causes shadows. We cannot ignore fire, it attracts our attention. “Fire from the Throne” is a saying that portrays thunder in the skies.

Earth : Physical. We are Souls who enter earthly form for a lifespan of opportunities while evolving. Earth is truth. On earth the humanising of Souls brings changes, questions, shape-shifting and a myriad of other alterations to each of us and also to the earth itself. Truth is constructive. We are here to discover truth. Those who are not true to life are destructive. They destroy the earth itself, they destroy themselves and others they connect with, even destroy words by being delusional. Destructive happenings are everywhere: choosing foods, drinks and substances that poison instead of nourishing,

ALWAYS A PLACE

There may be a place, a space, you feel you shouldn’t have left. Now that you have been away from there for a while perhaps you would like to return and sense it again. Possibly claim it again. Recalling the feelings that environment gave you while you spent time there can be pleasant. Or disturbing. And your memories of what was are probably distorted. Yet something about that place resonated with you. You can even picture yourself being there again, familiar with the ways and the byways. Your memories morph into a vision of how it will be to go back. Thoughts of how you lived there easily surface, unlike the cloud of why you lived there. It was a place to escape to, running from people and the situation you had chosen to be involved with. That place welcomed you as you left the pressures. And the pleasures. Simply taking a break then returning to routine was fighting with the opportunity to purge your existence and start afresh elsewhere. Choices of going when and where evolved from a platform of blame. The conjured faults whirled and landed on boredom, on others, on the job, on the neighbourhood, even on diluted connections with others. It took a while for the fault factor to land on the Self. The mind is the landing platform, diving into depths, or conversely, flying into the heights where there’s no reason. It is easy to persuade yourself that you don’t belong where you are. That restlessness can come and go, until the day it comes and won’t go. Overwhelming emotions of escaping will crush contentment, and delusion persuades that you no longer need to stay. You leave. To find your way home. There have been many homes. Some of the roads have closed.

CRYSTAL CLEAR INTENTIONS

Among developing spiritual practices is the attraction to crystals. Some think they are magical yet they don’t exist to give us powers. Crystals are conductors of energy. Touching a crystal, or even just looking at one can be a meditation point, a pure distraction. Prior to noticing a crystal, whatever was transpiring in your thoughts and actions slips away as you gaze on simplicity, a humble object that has no complications or contamination. Staring into a geode and observing the wonder of formation, of sparkles, and years of development, is a reminder that we have much to discover while here on Earth.  Crystals can be utilised to bring pure energies into a room; respect their ability to absorb and distribute energies, just as people conduct energies. Conducting processes may include placing a crystal under a healing treatment recliner and placing another on the body solar plexus of the client. Meditation can be assisted by placing crystals in north south east west directions on the floor where you lay down or sit. Be mindful of the beginnings of the rocks that are holding your attention; think of those who do the mining of what appears to be a simple grey stone. It is not until breaking open and polishing that quality is revealed. It is the same with you and me, we need to shift from an environment that stagnates us, to break open our hearts, to polish/educate our abilities; only then can our Light shine … and we can be treasured …

THE JIGSAW

She was telling me … when I was with them all I found myself wanting to fit in. So I talked like them, acted like them, probably ended up thinking like them all; and I knew I wasn’t being me. I am not them, don’t want to be like them. Don’t want to go through life living their choices. I have my own agenda. Then came the day I realised I didn’t even have to try, I already am authentic. I am.

And you know what … she is … an individual beauty! So is the jigsaw she is working on, there is a place for each of the pieces …

THE MENTALITY

A mixture of wisdom, humour, description and feelings displayed intelligently are welcome characteristics.  Above all of those attributes is honesty. We have all noticed that lengthening thinking and spoken words with descriptive embellishing can risk some inaccuracies being introduced. An attempt to explain or perhaps find a solution may bring more thoughts and words into play. Beware of explanations that become annoying when someone grabs every comment and stretches it; were they even present at the discussed situation and do they know the people mentioned? Empty clutching of discussion is irresponsible gossip. Positive thoughts and actions include initiating and inspiring. Yet while motivation begins in the mind and through what we have observed, discussed or read, it may seem otherwise when there is over-enthusiastic expression. We’ve all come across someone who is “full of it”, not thinking before they speak; perhaps not fully awake, or under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or even just stubbornly refusing to conform as they deliberately deliver undisciplined announcements. Perhaps a certain current global leader is a sign of the times for us to be conscious of inaccurate damaging mentality where expressions and statements are not based on true fact. Notice how that President has prompted us to observe similar behaviour nearby us; perhaps we needed to be reminded of that Tell the Truth lesson again …

RECRIMINATION

Self-recrimination can be more painful than the initial abuse. It gives away your personal power allowing your past to continue to violate you. Every time you allow the memory of a bad situation to enter your thoughts you are running the risk of continuing self-abuse. Personal power is fundamental to spiritual balance. Claiming your personal power will eliminate the past situations that harmed you and will attract the prospects of gain that you deserve. What you feel, you attract. What you think, you create. What you believe, you have. Notice your feelings, your thoughts and beliefs. Keep some energy for yourself. Do not shut out the playful part of yourself. Every day regenerate energy for you, remember too much giving leads to burnout; you need to give back to yourself. It is not your job to rescue people, be more useful than that, empower them! If, like me, you are born in the era when rewards were given for being a subordinate, remember to empower yourself. Do this daily. Enjoy every task, taste delicious food, take a break with your favourite uplifting beverage, admire all the plants where you walk, be frugal so you can save for travel. Look up the Danish word ‘Hygge’ (pron. Hoogah) and recall simple happy times. Light a candle to bring soft light into your surrounds and therefore into your heart.

Clothes With Attitude

What you wear says something about you. Could be a message of whether you are Sweet and feminine to Don’t mess with me, or that you Respect the earth preferring natural fibres. There is a visual message about you whether you intend it or not, portraying how alive (or dull) you are. You have a calling in life. We all do. We are here to energise each other and therefore energising this amazing planet we live upon. Let your body be a blank canvas for expression. Recently I met up with a lady who has for a long time bemoaned the fact that since her divorce she has been desperately lonely. She chooses to dress herself in black and grey, forever in mourning. While those neutral colours can be fashionable and sharp, her downturned attitude made them dull. It is essential to be happy with yourself prior to seeking achievements. The way we dress attracts similar energy. Be careful you are not attracting problems. Dressing happily is an invitation for happy company. Stay vibrant, be the radiant soul others want to be near; conversely enjoy shadow colours when you want privacy or need a rest. Changing and evolving your adornments shows the world you will continue to change and grow, improving yourself all the time into an even more glorious being. Remember the excitement we had when playing dress-ups as children. Why did we stop?

Stories and Resolutions

As part of a course I am studying Conflict Resolution and it is clear that every individual has a ‘world view’ created as they developed from birth into young adult age. This view affects responses and reactions unless there is a determined effort to re-educate your attitude yourself. Each and every one of us has a story to share, to hold or perhaps release? Take for instance a child growing up in an environment that included abuse sadly held on to for too long. The story internalises, years pass, and every time the now grownup child faces a hurtful challenge he/she will react, motivated by past hurts. Behaviour is observed by others as not normal as the story-holder clutches on to their problem. Sometimes the reaction is to build a wall that locks the child away. Protecting? The habit of refusing to deal with discomfort is either a prison we create or an automatic defence so we are always on guard with weapon (words/attitude) ready. Feeling insecure alleviates when we recognise the story has already gone and after years of recalling a life event that has stalled moving forward we finally give way to a new life. A fresh perspective enters the moment you allow the story to separate from the Self. Your responsibility is to tell your story how it is, not how it was.

Conscious Giving

In recent times many articles have been written about Consciousness. About being fully conscious. Because we are awake doesn’t mean we are applying a fully conscious Self to any situation. We can communicate our views, believing in our own message, but to others the words may seem diluted and the message won’t fully reach them. As listeners they may not be as alert as they think they are. Many characteristics intervene with being conscious. By acknowledging the value of others’ opinions you are offering encouragement. You are portraying respect. You are also teaching them how to value others. Interconnectedness happens when you invite people to attend a gathering. The experience of getting together, being included, may touch them in a more profound ways than intended. Respectful welcoming as you greet, having the space ready for their comfort, serving homemade food, are obvious ways of teaching others. Be the first to value others, the rebounding values of appreciation, gratitude, respect and kindness are yours to receive.

Caring Unconditionally

While taking on responsibilities for gatherings and meetings the real gratitude for a volunteer contribution comes from those who are responsible for themselves. Instead of offering sweet verbal expressions while creating a wake of small chores for someone else to do wouldn’t it be great if a person actually took their own plate and cup to the kitchen sink, wiped their drink drips and food smears from the table. How can that cleaning be ignored when the table is about to be used for a meeting? The volunteer brought the morning tea, not to hear praise, simply to contribute. Certainly not to be treated like an unpaid tea-lady! We are all here to serve. Here today to collectively support a fund-raising effort, while of course enjoy like-minded company. Too many caring individuals ultimately become tired of serving because they lose sight of their contribution to community while distracted by contributing to those who continue to avoid being responsible. No, I haven’t lost enthusiasm, perhaps my half-blown-balloon mood just deflated completely after I arrived there. Actually I can’t wait for the next meeting, it’s great to have fun while fund-raising, wonderful to know that a worthy cause will benefit from collective efforts.

How You Think of You

You are different. Of course, none of us is the same as anyone else. Perhaps it is to do with tolerance. What we tolerate, or not, from others has a link to what we think of ourselves. If we harbour an inferior opinion of our own abilities we are likely to tolerate those who think less of others. It sounds complicated but it isn’t. Your behaviour and attitude attract certain others. Simple. It works in reverse too. Your behaviour and attitude is constantly portraying what you think of yourself. That cliché birds of a feather stick together, is meaningful. That pack mentality is evident in crimes committed and in disruptive people of all age groups. Actually it is within some governments! Wordsworth was a wonderful author and philosopher and wrote: The child is father of the man. Parents and carers of infants, toddlers, and children have the most honourable task to perform, that of guiding and protecting the future citizens of the world. To be mindful of the enormity of this responsibility takes the initial joy and delight of having a baby to a height we may feel is unreachable. All along we realise that parenting is not a teaching experience, it is a learning experience. It’s an ongoing experience that takes us all to the end of our days on this planet. Sadness prevails when our children miss out on being who they are, unique and different, contaminated by adults who have never matured and by carers who are controlling bullies. The expense of education is miniscule when compared with the expense of ignorance. We pay, and keep on paying, for the actions of the ignorant. No matter how your family is structured all parents and carers of our young generation are privileged to be involved with developing people of the future. Right now am giving thought to how/what I think of me and everyone else, and what/whom I will attract into my day. Can’t help smiling, expecting therefore to bring some happy people near.

Full Circle

It’s so funny how those things I was disciplined for when a child have become my comfort zone. “Don’t stay out too late” and now I don’t even want to go out in the evenings, meals out during the day are definitely my preference. “Tidy your room before you go” and that’s automatic for me as I don’t want to arrive home to a mess. “Make sure you brush your teeth” and I can’t stand foods residue hanging around my mouth. “I volunteered you to do some church cleaning once a month (Mum said smiling)” and involvement in the community has become enjoyable. “Clean your shoes before you put them away” so why would I want a stinky wardrobe? “Hold the cutlery properly or your food will drop off” and I see so many sloppy eaters when out. “Mend the detached seam, sew the button back on” and now I just can’t dress myself with ‘needy’ garments. “Clean the sink-bench when you are finished there” and now I don’t start cooking unless the kitchen is ready. “Leave everything the way you want to find it” and how many times have I had to scrub a house when moving in, only to scrub again when I moved out. This is not a complaint paragraph; just an observation of how brainwashed I am. Thanks Mum x0.

Slow

It is so fashionable, okay healthy too, to feel energetic. Yet some days pumping the pavements or being at the gym is not what your soul is asking for. The advertising for energy drinks, energy supplements, energetic machines … all telling us how good we can feel. That sense of optimum motivation, tying our trainer laces and stepping outdoors for a walk or a run, is wonderful. But so is the feeling of submission. To yield, prone on a bed with a book, then dozing off for a while, is definitely powerful. It’s all about enjoying what you want. Enjoyment is good for you! Whatever your choice of enjoyment the resulting feeling will be positive. We need to please the Self. The physical Self. The mental Self. The emotional Self. The spiritual Self. And when it comes to the financial Self remember to feel gratitude for what money has brought you, anything and everything that has been slowly acquired. Wishing you a slow day, time without pressure, from my wide open heart, x0

Gotta Include Fun

For too long I have been drawn to matters of concern and caring. While that is a mandatory involvement for me the awareness of lack of silly fun kept nudging me. My True Love found his enjoyment in playing lawn bowls which is not my thing and while I am happily occupied with creativity and friends there was something missing. Prompted by the joy of a family gathering where both children and adults fooled around with ukuleles I began a raw teach yourself a new skill. This delightful instrument has always been around me from childhood, my mother along with her siblings made their own music. I was happy enough watching and listening. Before brain fade takes over I want to keep using the faculties that thankfully remain operative, so here I am for around fifteen minutes, or more as the mood takes me, pressing strings and learning chords while struggling with strumming. Youtube is my new tutor with numerous options to extend my pleasure. Progress is not rapid, but smiles are wide. First came ‘You Are My Sunshine’ followed by ‘Ukulele Lady’ which I will continue with until I can play and sing without pauses, ha. I’ll go sing along now while making the bed, here’s wishing you a fun day, x0.

One Thing After Another

Sometimes life seems like a series of awkward moments, separated by snacks. The other day my plans were not as do-able as my morning told me. I skipped from one unfinished chore to another, ending up with a bigger pile of to-do than before. So I detached. Just write. By that time of the day my mind was scrambled and I realised a wild thought process is just another road trip. Why would I be stuck in the mundane when I can be on the road again, loving the breeze of random imaginings, feeling the warmth of where I sit, embracing the memories that sprinkle in like salt on a plateful. The day took me away and I am ever grateful of the thought-travelling that requires no luggage.

If I Am

If you want to come over my heart will always welcome you. My door will be wide open ready for you to step right in. I just love it when you arrive. It’s because you are the one who understands if I feel unwell I will be hiding, you will have to find me. If I am low in energy I will politely refuse your invitation making no return invite until you ask me again. If I am sad I will be at my quietest and you will need to make the first noise. If I am deep in thought the door will be closed and you will need to knock before I whisper Open. If I want to walk I will be by myself because my pace is mine and nobody can mimic me. If I am emotional it is because I am so full of thanks I need to flow tears of gratitude. If I read something profound or humorous I will want to share it with you. And if I am creative I will be so happy for you to enter my room and bring in your music.

Free Time Today

It’s not that I can ever again be that skipping girl with striped socks, neither can I think the same as I did back then, but there’s a harmony in the atmosphere of today, airy stillness with bright skies and fresh temperatures, none of which I can ignore. I feel so Home. Some writing happened along with planning a walk. Breathing consciously, quiet blankness, being at peace, are all within the spaces between today’s gentleness. The spaces are links essential for endings and beginnings. The choices I have become clearer while still in untouched moments. I was imagining a scene then an empty page rescued me from the past, shining a light into what spills out in writing. This moment has Faeries unseen reassuring me that it is just fine to have my phone turned off for an hour. No guilt, instead a long forgotten feeling of being smug.

Not Finished

I was with someone recently who said she just doesn’t want to learn new things or change anything she is. We are the same age. While she cannot bear thoughts of continuing to learn, I know I am not finished. There is plenty of doing, learning, reading and absorbing yet to accomplish. So much writing to spill out. And giving to attend to. What I heard was an echo of my mother’s words “I don’t want to learn another thing” and she sadly displayed alzheimer symptoms before she passed. As long as we breathe we are not finished. Stay alive and lively dear ones, please don’t finish before your time here is up.

Out

Why, I wonder, do I try to fit in when I was born to be out! I have come across some truly happy places outside of groups and organisations. Thinking about this just reaffirms my need for the uncomplicated. Being alone is no guarantee that thoughts won’t be wild and tangled, but no amount of self-induced pressure compares to attending a meeting where I’m feeling like I don’t belong. By myself there is pure imagination. And freedom to plan. No contamination or intervention by others. Am out today. Errands completed. Seeking. Wandering. I just stopped and read what I have written and squirm at my selfishness. I buy a take-out coffee and park my car facing the surf of Orewa, our nearest east coast beach. Rain drums on the windows as I peer out towards soaked sand and rough waves. Everything grey. On my way home am thinking of my mother who missed the hot tropics of her birthplace where there is no winter. I shudder; then smile at my automatic readiness to cook and settle into the evening. The beach is still in my head, picturing the sun setting. Glad I went out today.

Medicated

Published descriptions have us believing that being medicated is the resulting condition of one’s physical/mental state after taking medication. Medicine will affect your original condition. Taking medications conjures up visions of calming, healing, numbing pain and thought processes. It’s just altering the original condition whatever that may have been. Of course we need to include balancing an unhealthy body with a medication such as insulin for diabetes or thyroxin for a malfunctioning thyroid gland. I wonder sometimes if habits we form are a type of self-medicating. Along those lines my imagination takes me to situations where excess is practised. Habits are formed. Watching television regularly changes a mood by deliberately switching the mind to a less than conscious state. The excesses of drinking and eating can bring us to that diluted consciousness. Makes me wonder if the real explanation of ‘medicated’ is actually ‘affected’ which the dictionary describes as behaving in an assumed way. Children who are deprived of attention and are experiencing continual ignore are diagnosed with Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (aka, temper tantrums) and those supporting that lacking parenting style are heard to comment ‘How sad, well at least they know what they are dealing with, it’s really quite common in kids these days’. We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.

Clean

Do cleaning as a form of meditation. A favour to yourself. Make it your purpose. Wear something loose so you can stretch and perform well. Wrap your hair. Now in your barefoot ready state, start. You have a bucket with cloths and cleaners. Open windows. Wipe everything. Take your long handled duster and scoop high over the ledges and lamps. Your products have scented the room. Now vacuum. One room at a time. You have taken a few minutes for each room. Go back to the hard floors and with lavender drops on your damp mop give your spaces a final kiss. You have just placed love into the environment. Feeling good? You bet! Even better than that my beautiful granddaughter and her mother have turned cleaning into a flourishing business, up and running is “ZAT’s CLEANING SERVICES” in Brisbane west, it is hard work and worthy work, if we want a clean planet it starts with home and in their case homes … go girls … am so very proud of you both, x0 x0

Big Mistake Rectified

I keep looking at the pile of cotton fabric pieces at the end of this desk. They taunt me, throw me guilt feelings, which I ignore, telling myself I have lost my mojo for patchwork sewing. But the truth is my computer is on the same desk. Big mistake. Too many toys, just like some children I observe, they have choices regarding what to play with and that just causes major distractions. I am responsible for my own prioritising. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution says the voice of wisdom. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to being distracted, just look at my long ago school reports, ha. Have decided a little desk squeezed into the living room, to hold my laptop, will be all it takes to give centre stage to these fuschia pink, lime and cream colours that flop around awaiting their turn to perform. Am reminding myself that someone somewhere had a part in producing these pieces of cloth. I need to be mindful of how things begin and how I want to continue their journey while progressing myself. I already have a corner picked for the laptop which can swing over to my recliner if I want, how sweet is that. First opportunity I will be out looking for a tiny desk or table, hey come shopping with me …

As above, so below … so Celebrate

There are many reasons to celebrate and if you choose not to you will miss out on someone saying Thank You. The return of appreciation is a tender moment, a demonstrative sharing in itself. Some of my peers choose not to celebrate Valentine’s Day or Halloween or even some annual fundraising days, simply because those days were not recognised when we were young. They watch or ignore as others give a loving gesture and receive gratitude in return. Negative comments about commercialism are made and I wonder why excuses are expressed for their deliberate choice to not be part of the occasion. When a happy time appears on earth our ancestors who have passed on can truly rest in peace, as above so below – so to those of us who are ignored on a day that is special to you, go out and buy your own flowers and chocolates, treat yourself and someone else you know to a coffee and cake with laughter – celebrate the day – make your life a series of celebrations. Me? I’m going to Mangere Cemetery, I just want to give gratitude for all the good times my Mother showed us when she was here …

Compare What?

One of the worst things to do is compare: comparing people, their shapes, their cultures, their beliefs: comparing affluence or lack of, our neighbours to ourselves, countries where we lived/visited exalting one and damning the other: comparing how much or how little intelligence is displayed. Warped world leaders compare quantities and quality of war weapons even in peaceful times. It is the comparing that illustrates differences. Divides us. Creating imbalance. Yet we are all the same. I observed in India that beggar women and their children kept occupied day and night seeking an income while teaching their children how to survive. Back in New Zealand I spent years seeking an income and teaching my children to survive. The same. Rather than Sports being a variety of healthy activities they have become an entertainment industry and money making platform; it is no surprise that I choose stretching and Yoga where there is no competition. We are not here to compare ourselves favourably or unfavourably with anyone else. Throughout one lifespan we live within a huge school overflowing with phases of learning and development. Amazingly what we do with that lifespan time is full of choices. What a glorious gift! Yet we use up so much of it comparing.

Got There Again

Over the past couple weeks there has been a nagging from my brain to me. Telling me the well has run dry. That my thoughts are circling like a bird of prey and there is no road kill to dive into. Sometimes we hit the wall, we fall on the ground. I did. Then I needed to sit and examine myself to determine what I am feeling. Nothing. Not vulnerable. Not sore. Nothing to report. It’s not like taking a break. Not like walking away. I’m here. Still sitting. Examining what is. Until I am fired up and can write with passion I am going to keep sitting in this neutral zone. I won’t be idle. There will be sewing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, planning, and probably I will find a few other –ing activities to add. In the meantime my wide open heart stays open … take care Sweet Ones … I will be thinking of you all and, oh yes, clicking (there is the next –ing) your Facebook pages …

Make That Break

When we need to detach from any situation and walk away it doesn’t mean we are not coming back, even though that you who walks is not quite the same as the you that returns. We have to remove ourselves because we are overwhelmed, our throat closes slightly and we think perhaps because of something we ate, our eyes sting and we wonder about pollens in the atmosphere, our joints are not comfortable nor flexible, our mind is overloaded and the day’s plans are fast diluting. Such common misconceptions are manifestations of personal energy imbalance when everything becomes too much. I read recently we have two choices, we can progress or we can make excuses. I don’t agree. We have more to choose from than those two basics. Feeling overwhelmed is the result of trying too hard and sadly some go as far as a breakdown when all they really needed was a breakthrough. Rather than the progress or the excuses, treat yourself to a stop! Who else is going to come along and say, Hey here is a stop for you darling. You can make one for yourself. Make that stop, that vital break your mind body and soul is asking for. Be creative and form the break any which way you want. It’s the best thing you can make for yourself. How wonderful to be able to make something that doesn’t end up in a mess to clear away, doesn’t ask you to do anything in particular so you will have more energy afterwards. You have just designed, created and installed the most beautiful break you have ever seen. Now stand back and love your creation.

Back in Routine

I am way past the stage of my children returning to school at the end of a long holiday break. While total empathy and understanding from me to all the parents who have enjoyed having offspring around 24/7, I have a few friends my age who are raising their grandchildren. They love their young ones dearly and wouldn’t have missed the opportunity in favour of other activities yet I see their exhaustion and sadness because they know it’s not the way the children want life to be. The malls and parks are the playgrounds for active youngsters to find entertainment with white-haired watchers monitoring on the fringe. Some are lucky as their grandchildren skip up to them with delightful comments of what they are up to. Others are ignored until it is time to gather them in the car bound for home. Which home, to whom? Probably not mum or dad. Be so very glad you parents who bring your children home, it is a privilege not shared by all. My wide open heart spills out best wishes for loving parents, grandparents, carers of all kinds, to hold their children close.

Savage Attitude

I know a woman who comes across with a savage attitude. Yet her hidden heart is gold. She loudly expresses her contrary beliefs, almost ramming them down people’s throats if she feels their pontificating is without thought. She doesn’t suffer fools. Ever. She comes from a place of losses and deep hurting. You may think she has healed. Not. She just got better at hiding it all. She never ceases to be entertaining, never boring. Yet the crisp exterior covers the most compassionate centre that reaches out to those who genuinely struggle. She doesn’t discuss how she helps or her intentions to do more for the unfortunate. She is the epitome of a saint who wears a cloak of spikes. It’s the way she protects herself from those who want to use her, making sure her past is not repeated. I feel privileged to be among a few who have seen the bright gold of her heart shining through the slit of her cloak. Next time you cross the path of someone like her don’t judge the book by its cover, just keep your own hearts shining like gold, x0.

EARNING HONESTLY

There are times when providing skilled certificated services along with clairvoyant channelling that I question my fee. I have researched many sites of practitioners similar to myself where charges are exorbitant, and am also aware of ill-equipped providers who keep their fees low attracting clients who complain later they didn’t get their money’s worth. The old adage you get what you pay for rises up again. All along the different situations that my clients present require me to be flexible in my charges and at times there is no fee. Like today while sitting with a twenty year old who has been coming to me for a couple of years. Her challenges are huge, her finances are miniscule. Her father is not on the scene, her mother has been in spirit for seven or so years. Grandparents have shared the upbringing of this girl and her younger brother, and as tired old fill-in parents they have made many sacrifices. It is a privilege that this girl comes to me and therefore impossible to place a material value for a spiritual service. We are both recipients. She gives to me her smile, her gratitude, and her uncontaminated wisdom. Therefore I give to her. Rather than the exchange of spiritual services for cash, the exchange is on a higher level evidenced by the energies and blessings shared. Readers and Healers come in varying qualities, giving their best or conversely (sadly) aware they are imitations. What gives those latter souls the right to provide what is believed to be a valued service? Their answer is uttered in garbled messages of ‘coming from a long line of spiritualists’ or ‘I am the fourth generation of a family of clairvoyants’ and I have even heard a defiant explanation of ‘I know I can’t do this but the customer doesn’t know’. They are spiritual pretenders. Cheats. What they provide during an appointment time is phoney and the people who come to them may be at their wits’ end regarding emotional or other problems. Those clients who genuinely needed healing and/or direction receive damaging sessions, or have been outright insulted with comments like ‘your third eye is full of shit’ and yes I actually heard that being said during a healing session, will lose faith in the treatments and sessions offered by true providers. Seek carefully what you need – make sure to secure genuine referrals from honest people – if you are intuitive and trust your seeking has brought you to a website you feel you can trust then follow your gut feeling – with my Truth, my Love, and my Faith in the work I do I will continue to be here for you, xo.

ALWAYS A PLACE

There may be a place, a space, you feel you shouldn’t have left. Now that you have been away from there for a while perhaps you would like to return and sense it again. Possibly claim it again. Recalling the feelings that environment gave you while you spent time there can be pleasant. Or disturbing. And your memories of what was are probably distorted. Yet something about that place resonated with you. You can even picture yourself being there again, familiar with the ways and the byways. Your memories morph into a vision of how it will be to go back. Thoughts of how you lived there easily surface, unlike the cloud of why you lived there. It was a place to escape to, running from people and the situation you had chosen to be involved with. That place welcomed you after moving away, leaving the pressures. And the pleasures. Simply taking a break then returning to routine was fighting with the opportunity to purge your existence and start afresh elsewhere. So, where? Choices evolved from a platform of blame. The conjured faults whirled and landed on boredom, on others, on the job, on the neighbourhood, or even on diluted connections with others. It took a while for the fault factor to land on the Self. The mind is the landing platform, diving into depths, or conversely, flying into the heights where there’s no reason. It is easy to persuade yourself that you don’t belong where you are. That restlessness can come and go, until the day it comes and won’t go. Overwhelming emotions of escaping will crush contentment, and delusion persuades that you no longer need to stay. You leave. To find your way home. There have been many homes. Some of the roads have closed.

ALONE with thoughts of what was, what is, and what may come … I can’t take you with me all the time, some of this journey is for me to discover and grow. By my Self. For my Self. While I will always share some wonderful times with every one of you, I have just stepped out the door and into the unknown. I do this over and over again. Sometimes physically. Sometimes in my mind. Stepping away from predictable noises and chores, removing my Self from others and their expectations. My breathing takes in the fresh space. Anticipation fills my heart and head, beckoned by an energy that is magnetic, drawing me towards the peace of detachment. The feeling is akin to meditation where all pressures are left behind and the Light awaits. Of course I’ll be back. Some say back to normal; whatever that may be! Today I resist the routines and habits. Yet while I’m away in another place I wish you could have been with me …

YOUR VISION

A Vision Board is a popular self-motivation tool, an art-form reminder to inspire yourself. Create your own Vision Board, give yourself tangible reminders of your goals and aspirations. Start with pictures/objects that awaken of all the senses:

Sight – a place or scenery you intend to visit or even live there

Smell – a favourite fragrance, for me it’s a field of lavender

Touch – something textural, fabric and perhaps a shell

Hear – lyrics or chanting, prayers, sayings and poems

Taste – recipes and illustrations of meals you will create

You now have the foundation and will add the elements of construction that affect the progress of your intended life. Your VB is not a calendar, it is compiled of short term and long term goals aspirations, its purpose is to strengthen your resolve to be your best Self. If you have been unwell your VB will have some Healing aspects, you may intend to move so picture how and where you want to live, if you have neglected to go walking your trainers may be hanging below your board! Have some fun and be inspired as you create your board … take a look at jackcanfield.com who expertise in creating Vision Boards includes:

• Look at your vision board often and feel the inspiration it provides.
• Hold it in your hands and really internalize the future it represents.
• Read your affirmations and inspirational words aloud.
• See yourself living in that manner.
• Feel yourself in the future you have designed.
• Believe it is already yours.
• Be grateful for the good that is already present in your life.
• Acknowledge any goals you have already achieved.
• Acknowledge the changes you have seen and felt.
• Acknowledge the presence of God in your life.
• Acknowledge the Law of Attraction at work in your life.
• Look at it just before going to bed and first thing upon rising.

THEN DON’T

When you haven’t heard from a friend for a while, and the same friend is not responding to your messages, don’t take it personally. We all need to detach somewhere along the line; to retreat into ourselves. After my experience at Vipassana where the introductory meditation course for ten days required silence and no eye contact I came home not wanting to hear anyone, not wanting to talk. It took an effort to revert to the normality of existence. The experience had resulted in an unexpected bliss state where for the first time in my life I was true to myself and my own needs. Since that time occasional times of being silent have brought me wonderful energy resurgence. The ability to ignore is precious. Finding space among the everyday happenings to be with my Self is something I cannot explain, everybody will discover that in their own way. On reflection the timing was great for me; earlier years of being involved with young family and demands of surrounds and community prevented me from learning about bliss. It was all a matter of prioritising I guess and little children were most important on my to-do list. As years progress the friends we make cover all age groups, not just our peers. We learn from each other just the way the former traditional families where three generations shared a home also learned. We can’t say it is better or not. Society evolves. From my wide open heart I wish you well as your own beautiful life unfolds, love and hugs, x0.

WHEN NO-ONE’S LOOKING

Who am I when nobody is looking? There is no doubt for each and every one of us that we behave for someone else, behave for a situation, behave for an environment. Take the latter, perhaps in an ornately decorated church. A holy place where the atmosphere is quietly full of anticipation. Sitting in church as a child I didn’t appreciate the art, the religious meanings of statues, the richly embroidered textiles that clothed the altar, the solid gleaming brass. Nor did I fully appreciate the words of the priest. But I behaved as if I did because the environment invited me to be a part of the performance and the beauty. Then there are situations when business-like concentration is required such as applying for a bank loan. Behaviour is disciplined and intelligence is alerted to the task at hand. Behaving with a view to positive outcome. Then to be in the company of someone I would not want to offend or disturb, perhaps the disabled and elderly, causes me to be more aware of others. All part of giving into the day, part of being my best self. Then comes the time when nobody is looking. A kind of release happens. Release into more comfortable clothes, release of tension and relaxing into a cup of tea using the unwashed cup from an hour ago. Neglecting to brush my teeth after each meal and instead waiting until I absolutely can’t stand myself one more minute! That may all seem so ho-hum but it’s a reminder that we respond to so much within the space of one day. Being flexible, being ready, being available

TRYING TOO HARD DOESN’T SUIT ME

Someone said you can’t be in two places at once. I think I can. I am doing the dishes and my thinking is in another place. Why would I want to apply intelligence to a mundane task when I can use the same time to plan or be imaginative? Perhaps that habit goes against the fashionable ‘be in the Now’ stuff that is urged in magazines and recent book publications. I am not in favour of dawdling over boring activities when my time is so precious. Far from being a whirlwind these days there are priorities that make more sense to me. Life is interesting when you are a daydreamer, never boring, and have just noticed I put the clean dried dishes in the fridge. O come with me full hot coffee cup, let’s just call it a day …

It’s hard for a child to watch their parents grow up …

RELUCTANCE … WHY?

It’s a holiday today, this wonderful entry day into 2017. Last night there were bright fireworks in our neighbours’ yard with delighted squeals from children. We relaxed indoors and as usual my mantra is go to bed and in the morning wake to the feeling of a new day, a new year. My eyelids just don’t want to comply with staying open until midnight and beyond, been that way for years! The day commenced routinely and once the indoor tasks were completed I (actually reluctantly) opened the garden shed to extract gloves, cutters and old scuffs plus a bag to collect some dead bits from plants. I don’t know why I had a nudge of negativity in my plans as being outdoors was wonderful. The sunshine and gentle breeze was so lovely as the collection bag gradually filled while the greenery and blossoms took on a fresh clean persona. Yesterday I had an idea of going to a beach with a picnic, perhaps that’s why the garden felt like second choice! Well the picnic has happened and it’s going to be our evening meal. Pan on the heat, a slosh of oil followed by a teaspoon each of curry powder, cumin seeds and mustard seeds. Sizzling was joined by a chopped onion, two chopped potatoes, half a cup of frozen peas and same of sultanas. A bit of India methinks. How can I describe the smell? Divine! Well I put the lid on to allow quick cooking while pastry thawed. Oven on, baking tin lined, and a large pie happened, one side with chopped ham for My True Love, a fancy twist of pastry to identify that portion. Me? I’m vegetarian. Egg wash and high heat has produced a golden meal which will be served with already prepared coleslaw and homemade chutney. Yes, it’s my idea of the best picnic, calm and in comfortable chairs … maybe I should have made more so you could come on over … smiling from my wide open heart, x0.

SOUL MATES?

There’s much I learn from those who cross my path. Like from a young lady who poured her heart out to me, saying things she could tell no-one, not her sister nor her mother. My ears acknowledged while my heart saddened at the impact of her old wounds. She described a connection that still troubled her. Her eyes spoke as did her voice, melting into a past that had been slowly healing as her life unfolded. Even so she kept her story alive by remembering moments and emotions that belonged to a long gone time. She said it was like observing herself, watching a self that was not present today. I sensed her burden. Sensed her reluctance to let go. She said some days she needed to hold the memory especially on days when nothing co-operated with her plans. So she drifts back to a place that broke her. In an hour or so she re-lived a couple of years. We parted company. She with glistening eyes, backing away from me to her chores. Me with a sigh, to my home thankful for the walk that settled the angst she had handed me. Today I learned that many attractions are possibly soul-mates, connections from past lives yet not destined to be part of our life this time around. In my meditation his prose spoke to my mind, and he wrote with my hand:

NOT THE ONE I’M WITH … from his alone Self …

Came the day I ripped her words out of my heart

Hoping I’d be left in peace

The feelings that lay embedded for so long

Were the aching of me since

… They weren’t for the one I’m with

I saw the sun glinting through her hair

Sparking light as the breeze played over her head

And I caught that glint and kept it in my heart

While the warmth I felt next whom I lay

… Was not the one I’m with

And the wild cold space showed me an image

A silhouette dark against a pale horizon

Dancing beyond while distancing me more

And I ran to catch the mile between us

Ran as my gullet burnt, no closer, no further

… She’ll never be the one I’m with

THANK YOU TO THE YEARS PAST

Yes, thanks for your marvellous lessons that came unexpectedly through many happenings. Thank you for the people I hadn’t met before. Thank you for those I reconnected with. Thank you for the strength that came when I needed to detach and didn’t know how. So many of my friends and family help to take me to the end of every year with their experiences and challenges, all of us learning through observing and sharing. Within my little household I am using up the pages of my small diary with ideas and desires, some of which will overflow into the year to come. Especially the sewing projects that sit there in the PhD pile (you know, Projects Half Done). There were weeks when about twenty things awaited my attention and I gave about seven of them some time. Reflecting on what was done and what was left undone just made me realise how much slower I move into and out of each day. The interventions that prevented the doings were all meant to be as loved ones and acquaintances drew me into their challenges and hardship, some dealing with the loss of family, friends and adored pets. A parallel produced marvellous opportunities with progress at home and in surrounds, great communications and visits with those near and far. The past-mix has brought me renewed determination along with the gratitude. All the while each of us individually has the power of decision making, starting with intention and attitude. For the years that are yet to come I write my wishes for each of us to know an easy pace so we can take time to think before we act.

ALIVE INSIDE

There’s an alive feeling inside of me, it’s the energy that prompts me to look further, look deeper, at whatever attracts my attention. I want to ignore it. Ignore that prompting, so that I can get on with the predictable. But it won’t leave me alone. The spark of energy takes over my sensibility and I have to pause. And gaze longer. The beauty of what I am looking at may shine out of a piece of crystal or fine china, might be the intricate weaving of a textile, or perhaps the way a blossom hangs on a fragile bending stem. I am easily distracted. I knew this when my teachers wrote that comment in my school report. They saw this curiosity of mine as a character fault, something that would prevent me from living my potential. A weakness. But they couldn’t prevent me from the daydreaming. All the while it is that very energy that lights up my day. Lights up my eyes. And my imaginings. Perhaps there is someone who allows that distraction to be part of their thought process. Part of their activities. If I could find them they would be my friend, my accomplice in artistic pursuit. We would both be alive inside when nobody else is.

TOTALLY FULL OF LOVE

We have just had a Christmas day that was totally full of Love. Our darling daughter has other families one of whom invited us to join them for the day where a rolling feast progressed as the oven coped with one dish after another on the way to the loaded table. Many tasty creative plates-full had been carried in as people arrived. The highlight for us was watching little children whose antics ranged from monkey-like activities to ultimate beautiful politeness. What a treat as we no longer have littlies around. The children had magic in them as they opened their gifts expressing joyful gratitude and surprise. A secret Santa giveaway was hilarious as adults received their unmarked packages and had them stolen immediately by another, what fun! In a quiet moment or two I gave thoughts and prayers to all the others I love dearly who are far away and wishing them a beautiful day too. Full to overflowing with food, echoes of laughter, smiling from the music and with warm-fuzzy feelings from all the sharing, we made our way home and plonked depleted and so happy into our favourite chairs, not wanting to add anything to the wonderful time except our huge grateful thanks to all those very special folk who have become our true extended families. THANK YOU. With thoughts this morning of you all we send much love from us both, x0 x0. From my wide open heart this has been one of the best Christmases I have had for too long a time, I have a few tears of joy right now, I love you …

DIFFERENT

You know you are unique, and if you have to, go out of your way to be different.

OWNING IT

You can’t own things, they come and go during your lifetime. You can only own what happened to you, what you learned from, how things made you feel. We come into this world with only feelings and when we depart this planet it is only our feelings that go with us.

LOOKING IN THE PAST

What are you looking back at, there’s nothing there you don’t know about …

MINDFUL OR WHAT?

Sometimes a bit of wisdom becomes a catch phrase. Currently being Mindful is very sought after. I began to dissect some of what I was reading and observing after noticing so many ‘wise people’ offering seminars and courses on being Mindful. It’s amazing how anything that is topical can become an industry, even spiritual things! There is a huge a collection of advice and practises for participants to adopt in the pursuit of being Mindful. Self-improvement is a wonderful thing, it is something to strive for, a conscious attempt at bettering your thinking and activities as well as your plans and goals. I am at the end of a loaded couple of days, so much activity including mileage and finance issues. The simple exercise of selling a car then looking for a replacement has become the thief of so much of my energy. I am depleted. Taking a fresh coffee to my favourite chair and flipping open a magazine is bliss when I want a break before the next task. And there it slapped me right between the eyes … an article on being Mindful. Considering the few days I had just experienced I felt affronted to say the least – for all the considerations I had managed to complete this author wanted me to THINK, to be mindful, to allocate even more time to everything I had listened to, everything I looked at, everything I touched, every colour I had an emotional issue with, every calculation that had a dollar sign preceding it – do you understand that I just don’t want to continue to be Mindful? Well okay, most days it serves me well to be Mindful; but occasionally I just want to switch off. Conclusion: allow yourself moments of not having to be Mindful. My head is rested now and my wide open heart reaches out to you, x0.

WHAT IF

What if you are none of those things someone said you are? You have just realised you sit so much more comfortably with your own truth. Worse than criticism is the belief of someone else’s statements. It’s time to make your own statement to yourself. As a child I was teased. It happens if you are not the eldest among your siblings. The pecking order. They can tell you what they want, it is what you tell yourself that matters. You know your own feelings, you know your own talents. If you have been reticent to prioritise those then wake up! Be yourself. Lipstick has to wind upwards in order to be effective. So do I, so up I reach. I could sit safe with a cover over me or I can rise to the occasion. Being shy is an arrogance, it’s another label for don’t want to try; so I tell myself “There is no-one less than me” and watch how giving I can become. Try thinking gratitude because when you do it’s impossible to be sad. Some days I just want someone to save me from my own memories. And here you are, our hearts next to one another …

PICK YOUR LIFE

I think of my mother’s time of life and sometimes wonder if she picked her life. It was expected by her parents that she would do certain things. Obey was one of them. That she would marry and have a family. I wondered if those expectations were automatically passed on to me. Even though many girls of my era had the intelligence to pursue university education very few of them from my neighbourhood and school actually did. Continuing education after high school level included teachers college but very rarely a tertiary pursuit. When I left school I found employment in a solicitor’s office where a female law student was also working. There were obvious differences between that law student and myself; education level, ambitions, confidence. Until my work experience I hadn’t given thought to doing more than what my mother had achieved in her life.

My learning and education came from family as well as school. Parenting in those days included teaching manners. And respect. My mother came to New Zealand when she was seventeen. She was in awe of everyone who had a better life than she had known. She showed respect for everyone she met, even those who didn’t deserve it. Drunk men on the trams, coarse speaking women at the stores, smokers who squashed their butts under their shoe while little children looked on. Mother didn’t like that behaviour but she was polite to everyone. Whatever was expected of her, it was what she expected of herself that ultimately mattered. Up to my time there were several generations of women who settled for less than what they deserved.

I had to break the pattern. I didn’t know that until children came into my life. Instinctively I knew I wanted their education to be different, without the limitations offered to me. My mother’s words are still loud in my memory, “You can be a hairdresser or a nurse or you can work in an office”. I wanted to be a teacher. Mother had no idea what office work was, she was a seamstress. She would have made a great nurse and she loved arranging her abundant curly hair. Everything that my mother didn’t achieve she wanted to see in her daughters. I tried hard to fit into her ambitions, do the detriment of my own. In all fairness I didn’t know back then that I had a defined ambition. I was just wishing for something better than what was offered.

Principles were drummed into me: be satisfied with what I had, make the most of what is. I have told my children to aim high, to reach out for more. I don’t believe in settling for less than what you want. If you do that is what you get: less than what you want. It is so stimulating to meet young people who are ambitious, what a healthy way to conduct their lives!

CLAIMING FOR ME

I forgot many times recently that my time is my own. Keeping chores up to date is my happy time, I have always enjoyed ‘playing house’ and every time I do cleaning and sorting some items arrive in a different space. Makes me feel I just gave them a new home and the room has a fresh perspective from where I usually sit at the end of the day. All along I gave time away to situations and people. In the mix of hours in the day some time was in demand, some given away, then there’s the precious time I just want to claim for me. After all the years of going to work while raising a family I got used to not having me-time and that old habit still runs under the surface. But yesterday I staked a claim! Putting aside what I usually consider should be done I selfishly played with colourful textiles getting them sorted for cutting into a patchwork quilt, I indulged in a short walk with one goal – buy me an ice-cream – then I sat with a magazine and lost myself for several minutes in the fashion and artistic picture displays. It was a truly great day! My own day. Today a sugar coated guilty feeling played out in my head, sweet and smug yet also aware of the things I didn’t get done. It’s morning again … with a bit of luck it will rain and I won’t have to do that gardening that continues to invite …

ABSORBING BY SENSING

All through life we are challenged by everything that our five senses absorb. What we see, hear, touch, taste and even what we smell all affect us. I notice what is written, pictured, and what I heard and there can be beauty and an uplifting feeling when what I sense is enjoyable. Then something like bird crap on a park seat that I accidentally touch, a bad tasting food or a foul smell can appear when I least expect them. Life is full of surprises the cliché dictates, some of which we don’t want. We learn to avoid reading and watching what offends, to keep away from situations that are unhealthy. Are you disturbing your mind by looking and listening to negativities? Upsetting your insides with foods and drinks that tremble your digestion system? The memory of your experiences can contaminate you. I have memories of beggar mothers in India hitting their children because they were not successful obtaining money from tourists; then there was the ever present smell of sewerage under the pathways in Phuket. People who live in undeveloped places are not offended. They are simply getting on with life as they know it. So who am I to take offence? Why am I affected by experiencing something outside of my personal boundaries? Should I have seen the beggar mother as teaching her children to survive? Should I have realised that infrastructure in foreign cities is provided according to their economy? By acceptance I am shown we are all the same

WHY ASK ME

Someone asked for my insight. Advice and clarity was her plea. I gently gave from my intuition and from my heart, the channelling spilled over the blank page. When I looked at what I had written to her I had some misgivings about how the wisdom would be received. My inner query was not unfounded, the backlash of her denial was fierce yet disguised as almost polite. Her reaction contradicted her original request. She’s agonised by clinging to her warped thinking and fearful of letting go control. My mother called it cutting off your nose to spite your face … how hurtful that is to the self. I stay true to my words and the deep wisdom from Spirit that accompanied my letter to her. I have to stay true. There is no other way. She doesn’t understand that my connection with Spirit is stronger than my connection with humans. Of those who seek truth there are many who really don’t want to know anything different from what they carry inside. Sometimes people make me tired. I’m still learning that what they think is none of my business.

YOUR HEART DOES MEND

We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.

CAN’T HELP IT

Noticing what is around me is mandatory, but having an opinion regarding what I see is something I am still learning to control. It is school holidays and I am just home from the Mall with echoes in my head of what I saw and heard. Children darting unexpectedly across my pathway. I almost fell. Mothers so near my ear yelling loudly at their child who is more than fifteen metres ahead. I jumped in surprise at the loud voice blast. I recognised her as the same mother I saw in the local supermarket barefoot in pyjamas one morning. My thoughts reacted with instant annoyance. How self-contained those mothers and children are, able to behave without thought to others, oblivious of consideration and without a care of how they cause disturbance. My feelings are not to do with my mature age, I have always been aware of behaviour. Yet there does seem to be more undisciplined activity accepted in public places. Smiling to myself I recall my Dad saying that psychology is a wonderful thing to apply to raising a child, after you smack them …

THOSE MEMORIES

When I look back on my life I see a trail of mistakes and failures. Remembering them can still bring pain and sometimes hooting laughter. Makes me recall that old saying ‘Yesterday’s disaster is today’s joke’. Yet I also see how every challenge has helped to shape me and my life. I have learned that earlier pain can bring later pleasure. Then I learned that lasting pleasure, lasting goodness, was in the palm of my hand all along. I had forgotten to hold it, to care for it. Thank goodness for being able to remember. Memory is potent, it makes us who we are, gives us depth, ties our past to our present, focuses our attention on the emotions surrounding events as well as on events taken literally. Memories are a kind of poetry. There is no need to look for meaning in our memories, no need to analyse what was. Memories allow us to live with what is.

SCARED TO LOSE

I met someone not so long ago who is scared to lose what she has. Yet she doesn’t have what she thinks exists. They have a relationship, so they say … there is no connection for them, the only link is a toxic atmosphere. They grab at it, fingers clutching at contaminated air. There is no holding on. There is no holding each other. Days are cloudy, the nights full of shadows. In the same dwelling, not in the same world. She remains scared to lose something that isn’t there.

T’ART CLASS

Define woman the art teacher said. On the pallet a myriad of mixes waiting to ride upon canvas. Brushes angled and poised, soft tools ready to act like a sharpened axe. She hit out towards mid frame, blasting one hue after another, her insides feeling all of what she portrayed. The paints formed over-lit eyes, a crocodile mouth, tense neck, wild hair. All coming together in total invitation. Then she blocked out what she didn’t like. Secret and dangerous. She stepped back and noticed the illustrated mood was the same as she is right now. Bold, confronting, yet afraid of the depth within. She was here to learn to dig deep and display what she discovered. Wondering if the others could see what she has hidden within, wondering if it is raining outside and if she would get wet on the way home.

WE’VE ALL SEEN THE LEANING

How we lean! On something, on someone. Dependant instead of independent, taking our chances on whatever will block out what we refuse to face up to. What we did and what we didn’t do caused the pain, not what someone else did, not something that happened. We were there all the time, playing a part, making choices, accountable for our own pain. So we reach out and find something to lean on to ease our aching hearts and minds. Before talking the truth we had a story that camouflaged the light we were meant to find, choosing instead to live in the shadows, leaning on others or on substances and habits. Then the time comes when denial is hurting more than the problem, we leaned so hard we toppled over, down as far as we can go where there is nothing to lean on, can’t fall further. Housewife and her meds, remember the John Lennon song Mothers Little Helper? Bus driver with an endless supply of junk food snacks, overweight and heart strained. Truckie and his No-doze pills, won’t stop for a break and likely to introduce a prostrate condition. Wife and her hidden shopping, spending out of control. Husband and his secret flirting, sad ego hoping it may lead somewhere. Leaning. Bored and lost, just play-acting a part until the script ends. Only those who have never leaned should clap when they leave the stage. Silence.

BECOMING QUALIFIED

I have loved ones and friends who have suffered loss. Some of them more recently than others. It matters not how long they take in their grieving. It matters not how they dig inside themselves for their coping mechanism. The breeze is whispering to you “Take your time Sweet Ones, take your time”. Then I think about how the passing will come to each and every one of us. I think of how it will come to me. One day I will be qualified to live with those who have passed on already. Until then all the happenings and all the people I come across are a part of my becoming ready. In this meantime I have a beautiful life to live. I love my life. It is a privilege to be here, every day is a blessing. When I am qualified it will be a privilege to be called home. It will be my time, half past nowhere and I will hear the call.

A GOOD THING

It can be a good thing when you find a group you would like to join. Their activities may include only one of the many things you are interested in. While they are welcoming, you can go in as far as you want, or as little as you want. Nobody can make you more than you want to be. Stay for as little time or as long as you feel comfortable. Only if you want to. If you are motivated to become further involved you may increase your happiness, or the happiness of someone else. Solitude also brings happiness. Those who prefer group gatherings may not understand the pleasure of solitude. I am loving my quiet space today.

WRITE A LIST

When I produce a list it becomes a motivation for me to start something. The prioritising can change but it doesn’t matter which item is ticked off first. I value my list and before tasks/reminders are attended to can sometimes make a fresh list that progresses my plans even further. While my surrounds can seem organised my thoughts and activities are not. There’s often an overload or some blank spaces that intervene. The torn in half recycled note paper I use is printed on the reverse side, part of an article or advertisement. I wonder why I turn it over and read part lines that are now nonsense. Quickly back to the newer side of my scrap paper I regain focus. Reviewing the list and noticing the time I cross out some items and tell myself I’m having an easy day. I am in charge of the list and promise myself the list will never control me. Perhaps it’s something to do with faded memorising? Be kind to yourself, it’s Friday and the week has just flown by again. With love from my wide open heart, wishing you a lovely weekend, x0

ANOTHER PLACE

I look at travel advertising and want to see those places portrayed, not so much for the exotic architecture but to meet people who smile even when life empties them out every day. I went to India, for so long I had held her in my heart as a destination. I saw amazing historical places accompanied by temples of unashamedly displayed opulence while the people, empty of the needs we take for granted, people who longingly touched hard cold sacred walls and left their desperate prayers with their Gods. It seems that most of us learned to pray back to front. Instead of crying please oh please, it makes more sense to me to simply give thanks for the providing. We have always received, why would that stop? And I know that I didn’t come this far to just come this far, there is always more to come. Gratitude is a Life-force and the awareness of saturating contentment at home reminds me how blessed I am to travel afar. Blessed because I don’t need a house of opulence with a view of the ocean, my daily living has no requirement for luxury. I am so very thankful that you allow me to share my wide open heart with you. Come again. There’s always more … x0 … in the morning I depart for Thailand where I will meet up with my darling daughter Maria on her return from USA, UK and Europe, we will touch ground together in Phuket … won’t see Facebook for just over two weeks … until then take care Sweet Souls …

STEP IT UP

There’s this rope swing in my imagination, swaying between hesitate and impulsive. It’s a picture of my life. On reflection I have been glad of hesitation, not always so with impulsiveness. There were times when quick action has got me to where I truly wanted to be, or at least allowed me to escape a situation that was smothering me. All along it is progress. Moving forward, such catch words these days, doesn’t have to be at the same pace. It does me good to go slowly, it also stimulates me to quicken up. In my head I hear my Dad saying, “Pace yourself because if you are feeling stress some of it is from yourself” … and while I needed to move more the motivation to go and walk seems to have disappeared today. “Where there’s a will there is a way”, I hear my mother talking. So I walked to the village and purchased for a couple of dollars a small strong plastic stool. While The Bellamy Brothers belted out their rhythm I began stepping to the beat. Two up two down, I love this little plastic stool. It took only three minutes for me to really feel my heart beating, tomorrow it will be five minutes. It has been a while since that pulsing echoing through my body made me recall the get up and go energy that I was missing. Such a simple solution for me, doesn’t matter if it rains, at home by myself I am doing something for my aging body and it puts a smile on my face. Come on, smile with me (or laugh at me) and my wide open heart … am thinking of you and wish you well, always x0

SELFISH SOMETIMES

When you visit unexpectedly please respect my time. It is my time, not yours, when you enter my dwelling. I am already occupied and you have come into my space. I’ve got this day to do what I want for most of it, some minutes will be wasted and some useful. Already I am thinking of tomorrow because that next page in my reminder diary is full enough and requires some preparation which I am now attending to. I have just sorted some fabrics, am watching them tone and excite each other, thinking about a quilt. It’s my escape place when between the colours. Wandering. It’s the thoughts that wander, not my feet. I may not seem to be progressing myself much. Enough of this drifting! Me and fabrics have parted company and I am active again; the kitchen has claimed me as I fly from cupboard to drawer to sink to fridge. Gathering. There is an assembly on the bench in front of me, it speaks of a tasty meal. The day is cooler now, I close the wide open doors. Home is a store of sun-kissed air that will last through the night. Fragrant cooking joins the atmosphere, plates clatter and chatter their welcome to the food that arrives upon shiny surfaces. Mugs thump the bench in readiness for relaxing elixir of tea with honey. The day and me, spent. Contented.

HUNGER

I keep coming across articles that tell us to think we are great or capable or wonderful. They call it feeding your self-esteem? Yet only one generation ago from where I am there was no such thing, we just got on with it. Rather than keep telling yourself you are awesome what you really have to do is recognise your hunger. Hunger for life. For knowledge. And yes for food too. I noticed a framed print recently which said: I’m sorry for saying what I did when I was hungry … I smiled. So what am I feeding myself with? Food is only one aspect of feeding. Feed the brain, feed the heart, feed the soul … nourishing intelligence and nurturing healthy feelings are as important as fueling the gut. Sometimes I wonder if obesity happens because the true hunger is not attended to. Before I dive into the cookie box I am going to determine what I am really hungry for.

A GOOD THING

It can be a good thing when you find a group you would like to join. Their activities may include only one of the many things you are interested in. While they are welcoming, you can go in as far as you want, or as little as you want. Nobody can make you more than you want to be. Stay for as little time or as long as you feel comfortable. Only if you want to. If you are motivated to become further involved you may increase your happiness, or the happiness of someone else. Solitude also brings happiness. Those who prefer group gatherings may not understand the pleasure of solitude. I am loving my quiet space today.

ACCEPTING THE HEALING

One of the most profound Healing experiences I was privileged to experience was in Hawaii last year on the grass at a beach front on the Big Island where a serene and lovely Priestess spoke of her beliefs in the ancient spiritual medicine of her land. She taught us (our touring group of seven) to hold a large leaf from one of their native plants and split the stem then load the flat surface with volcanic ash and sea salt. My small assembly, along with others, was of course biodegradable and organic, friendly to land and sea. We learned how to fold the leaf with its loose contents into a small parcel then tie the stem ends to secure. Holding our individual parcels we were invited to each find a quiet shoreline place and caste them into the waves while thinking a prayer or blessing. I strolled over the uneven ground mindful of choosing a place where I could stand steadily and soon my offering was kissing the waves. I asked that the Healing within my gift would reach loved ones far away, that whatever was troubling them would soothe away. I watched as the folded leaf floated a short distance then up came two playful turtles turning and teasing each other as they danced below the surface near my feet. I knew then that my thoughts had been accepted.

MORE THAN

You are so much more than the recipient of hurtful words and ignorant behaviour … if those things have been directed at you there is a process of shock followed by hurt and then portraying yourself as a victim. You are so much more than that process … unacceptable behaviour is only ever attached to where it came from and cannot be part of who you are. You are not a victim, you are courageous beyond words, have raised daughters who fiercely make up their own minds and who would never allow anyone to speak or behave badly towards them. You nurtured your children, you also learned from their confidence and strength. All is as it should be, a moving process where removing unacceptable incidences and welcoming inner strength continues. You no longer feed thoughts into unacceptable past. Allow today to be the beginning of your dignity shining out from your strong beautiful heart. With love and blessings, make your day wonderful, Patricia xo

READY OR NOT

There is no parent who is perfect in the eyes of their child. If you are looking at perfection then you are not yet an adult child. When maturity and intelligence are in place the judgmental facets of humanity will appear. That is, until spiritual growth evolves to allow a level of acceptance. Many adult children hold on to the disappointments they experienced while growing up. It is a mark of manhood, and woman-growth, to realise that the parent you knew in the past is not the one who stands before you now. A parent may ask themselves: Did my immaturity, my own unhappiness, prevent my children from attaining their own contentment and joy? All adult children, except those who refuse to mature, will reach a point in their development when they can forgive their parent(s) for being inadequate in the past. That is the epitome of Compassion. It is the understanding of who your parent was when you were a child, and who they have become. There is no growth without change; there is no change without growth. Was any about-to-be-a-parent truly ready?

ZEN MOMENTS

This year has hardly begun, introduced with thoughts of gratitude for the twelve months gone and for previous times. For some it will be ‘thank God it’s over’ and for others a gentle acceptance that all is well. Within the focus of today and planning beyond I will claim Zen moments, petite meditative processes that sanction me to honour life. Birth and death is all that I will leave here. I will be but a whisper in the wind gusts. During time here I will contribute energy to others, and also accept energy that is offered. This exchange is progress for each Soul, giving and gathering, out of which we grow. Whether energy is positive or negative, it forms a Blessing.

TRAVELLER

You arrived. Stayed while gathering beautiful feelings that seemed unattainable where you came from. Soaking up the energies of found learnings and bliss. Experiencing other ways, other nourishments; and wisdom. Until the time came to leave. Detachment from those you have just shared with is not as profound as detachment of the you that was discovered while there. Another home is what you found. Yet all along home was within you. Waiting for you to open the door. Going out. Going in. Seeking what was there all along.

TO GIVE OR NOT TO GIVE, that is the question …

Well it’s hardly Shakespeare but you get the drift …

My silence doesn’t mean I agree or disagree with you, it doesn’t mean I don’t think of you … it’s just that the senseless inaccurate (am being polite, I probably mean untrue) things you say time and again have rendered me speechless. Your nonsense eventually reached my endurance limit. This is my thought after having yet another phone call from someone I have known for years who has chosen an unsatisfactory life. Having become bored and stuck within the choices they have made they reach out for someone else’s energy. Are you supporting someone who has allowed their life to become unacceptable? They may be taking your time, your sympathy, or just your ear which may ring uncomfortably for a while after you finish communicating. The only digging they attempted is the emotional hole they sit in, and it could have chosen a real spade and a flourishing garden. They are looking for someone else to solve their situation. They are the same Souls who blame something or someone for what is wrong in their life. Do they realise how much they take? You and I can also choose. To connect to like-minded Souls.

ENERGY

… it spills over … overflows. We are linked with overflow, that energy that is the unseen layer outside your skin surface is where we sense and feel emotions. It is the link that forms a network joining every Soul to another. We cannot deny its strength, just like the moist tissues that connect each body muscle to another, necessary to maintain position, purpose and power. There are Healers who work with those amazing physical tissues with the methods of Bowen Therapy and other modalities, and there are Spiritual Healers who can remind us of our linking that has become frozen and how to reintroduce gentle energies in order to restore life force. So that we can progress again. Those times between one progression and the next are necessary to rest the links, to recharge and restore. But they are temporary times, not meant to extend for too long. If you feel stuck and trapped within any area of your life, remember what is within you and in your surrounds is what you have chosen, and continue to choose … until you introduce change. Soften those frozen parts of you, the physical mental emotional and spiritual, face those four directions one by one, feel the flexibility you give yourself through every intake breath, and with every outgoing breath you sweep away everything unwanted that has intruded into your being … this beautiful day awaits you my Love …